Dear souls
When I wrote the last post entitled The Wishing Well, I had so many things going on in my mind that it's any wonder that the post seems to wander aimlessly from positive to negative and back to positive again etc etc.
It was with many, conflicting emotions that I wrote that post. Seeing dear friends exposed as part-time fiends, and with a startling alacrity, left me struggling to understand the ramifications of what had been revealed to me. So many, so various, so hard to understand.
Maharaja
Now,with HH Tirtha Maharaja soothing the minds of the community, who chase him in his every move, from venue to venue, trying to beg a few crumbs of his mercy, we have settled somewhat, although my own mind is still somewhat ruffled, rushing from extreme to extreme, although that may have as much to do with my disappointment in my ability to attend all programs (that's a health issue, which may or may not have anything to do with anyone's emotional turmoil, that's another side issue), it's easier to see things clearly as the dust settles.
Aftermath
I can only hope that those involved aren't tempted to brush it all aside with the view that "it's all in the past now and best left alone," because there are some very important considerations left to be accounted, for if left unreconciled, next time there is a conflict of points of view, we will probably see more of the same devastation.
As startling as my own "apocolyptic" vision may have been, there is an extremely beautiful lesson to be learned within all the fury and destruction of the storm.
Going Down!
I, myself, have many faults, embarrasingly so, too many to list here so "I won't bother :)," but to see people whom I have held in high esteem brought down to my own animal level of tit for tat revenge and bitter criticism, merely to achieve control of what should have been a beautiful learning and bonding experience instead of an insult to Srila Gurudeva, again and again, over and over, nausiatingly, has put me in a position wherein I am forced to reappraise my entire interface with society and to reinvent my approach to other devotees.
"Myself, I long for love and light, but must it come so cruel and oh so bright?"
Leonard Cohen
Aware that I cannot assist anyone, I can merely hope to up the ante myself and hope that better behavior will lead to better influence, although I doubt that I can simply press Ctrl + Alt + Del and rid myself of my worst indulgences, I can change those things that people see in public.
Fault Ridden
It was when one devotee said to me "I have heard you criticise others, and although you didn't say those things in an angry tone of voice, it was just as much criticism," that I began to sit up and take notice, for even though I pride myself in not being critical, I am perceived as such. If I wish for my companions to have a higher level of Vaisnava behaviour then I, myself must, (just as everyone else must) lead by my own example.
Control (Alt + Del)
It's a big ask to control one's tongue. Nevertheless, all of my brothers and sisters are coming from the same hopeless, millions upon millions of births wherein the blind followed the blind followed the blind ... and always ending up in strife, and always blaming others for our distress.
Yet, with a little insight we can see that we are all somewhat out of control and yet all somewhat amazing personalities. (Even the families of kanisthas, struggling to get it together at all will achieve some kind of liberation, such is Krsna's appreciation for our fumbling efforts).
So we can see that it's not just you or me that did life hard as a kid (or later, whatever), even those who had idyllic families soon glean a sense of disappointment from seeing their kids grow up somewhat different from what they had hoped, from seeing the state of the world in turmoil, and especially from the conflicts that develop within their own spiritual community wherein they had sought shelter.
Both Enemies are Enemies
It goes without saying that both sides of a conflict in a spiritual community are at fault but what's not so readily apparent is that we are all the same, we are all tarred with the same brush, it's just so and so's turn to become embroiled in arguements; we all get a turn to be tested, eventually.
Another point that is not so readily apparent is that, despite Srila Gurudeva's tests that teach us all so very much, if we accept rather than just react; we are all trying hard to be friends - of each other, of Srila Gurudeva, of Sri Sri Radha Krsna, and all of us are beautiful, despite our faults. We are all lotuses, growing in the mud and muck of a mayic world and we are all growing into beautiful lotus flowers, each of us giving testament to the power of the mercy of Srila Gurudeva and of the Holy Names.
All Glories to the Assembled Devotees - ki Jaya!
Servant to ALL the devotees
tkd
PS Anyway, now that Akhileswari has commenced an online Harmony group at our GroupSpaces website, we may find that our general behaviour towards each other will improve and we'll all be a lot happier and a lot more effective as devotees.
Don't forget: Srila Gurudeva knows we are all confused by millions of lifetimes in this material world and he's (via his disciples) created this Harmony book for all to see their way clear to communal happiness, so that we know how to act in the spiritual world.
tkd
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