... love in a peaceful world
... love in a peaceful world
... love in a peaceful world, yeah
(From the song "Wishing Well" by Free)
Purely Beautiful
When I was in Bhubaneswar, sitting at the lotus feet of Srila Gour Govinda Swami, hearing Srimad-Bhagavatam daily, day after day, month after month, till the best part of 1994 dissapeared into oblivion, I heard so many amazing things from sastra, so many amazing pastimes of the Lord and His devotees, but most of all I became besotted with Srila Gour Govinda Swami himself.
For those who took sufficient time out from material life to sit with him, often, through the heat of summer, a mere handful of thirty to fourty souls gathered with him, to live life his way, to experience a more simple existence; one that revolved around loving, caring and belonging, encouragement, acceptance, and being together in an harmonious fraternity, wherein Srila Gour Govinda Swami, whilst clearly the leader, by a country mile and then some, was somehow, just one of us.
"Just one of us individuals"; thrown together in this phantasmagorical existence that for many us was was at once consuming and bewildering; we saw ourselves sucked into material life, unwillingly we were part of this life in it's vulgar state, but like lotus blooms, we struggled to rise above the mud that both spawned and stifled our creative essence. By the grace of His Grace we were often able to achieve this. Such is the munificence of Krishna's devotee.
A Vision of Magnificence
Srila Gour Govinda Swami showed us by his own leading example that we could be much more than this material existence. The sastric evidences pointed to it, the ceremonies and practices we followed both pointed to it and glorified it. We saw a vision of how life really is, for those whose hearts are wholesome, accommodating, caring and positively joyous. Indulgence became, for the most part, so unnecessary, superflous, and through all our individual ups and downs, Srila Gour Govinda Swami, was our guide, demonstrating how our hearts could unfold; he was to us (and still is) a perfect friend, one whose friendship and association is sought out by the Supreme Lord Sri Krishna Himself.
So attractive are saintly persons; so attractive are Sri Sri Radha Krishna. Friendship, fraternity, belonging, were all part of our daily routine, and while we, ourselves, still infected by the disease of material dirt, clung tightly to the unimaginably beautiful purity that is the heart of Srila Gour Govinda Swami, we set our sights on a destination that was more than some vague, undefined term like spiritual world, Vrajaloka, or even the words of wonderful books like the Krsna book or Sri Brahma Samhita.
Sri Sundarananda Syamasundara
We were shown a clearly definite realisation of where we were headed, by personal love and kindness, personally demonstrating to us that the spiritual world is a world of sweet, sweet love where we are individually encouraged rather than herded as an amorphous crowd, we were so sweetly mollycoddled into the knowledge that this lifestyle, as the loving servants of our Sri Sri Radhe-Radha Ramana is the goal of our existence, and nothing less could satisfy our longings and our needs. The beauty of pure love, in fact, almost any love at all, needs no description; it is self-evident, overwhelmingly attractive, and sweet beyond the scope of poet, pen and paper.
Return from Forever
Back in Australia, devoid of the purity of Srila Gour Govinda Swami's loving gaze, I gradually descended into a kind of an amalgam of the Bhubaneswar life and the western dream (as demanded by local customs, government authorities, and the demands of those with whom I found myself associating). I occasionally spent time with my dear friend and guide, Srila Gour Govinda Swami, when he visited, but the mood, somewhat sullied by my mind being affected by western materialism, was never quite as beautiful as the gifts he gave us within the purity of Sri Bhubaneswar.
Rasa ki Jaya
Next came Srila Narayana Maharaja, who took on the task of becoming my diksa guru; a soul as dedicated to sweet love as any could be, so much so that he's earned himself the epithet of rasa acarya, a title that needs no justification to those who've tasted the beauty of his expansive heart. A friend in every sense of the word. A guide through the wilderness of bewilderment and reactivity. No words could aptly glorify the beautiful heart of this magnamous soul.
Humbly I Come with Cap in Hand
But lately, here in "Mura-willumbah", I begin to wonder if even devotee association is to be considered good for my spititual life. The term friendship in Murwillumbah seems to embody a bizzare abberation of the concept I understood in Orissa. Sweetness seems displaced by domination. Attempts at being oneself are not encouraged and supported, on the contrary, they are opposed. Stepping outside of the social status-quo is met with conflict and derision, or at best, being ignored. Indulgent reactivity to almost any and every situation seems to be the order of the day. A genuine material rat race complete with the scrambles to achieve high ranking within the pecking order. So rarely it seems that friends genuinely enquire as to one's personal condition; socialising seems to be little more than a game of increasing levels of one upmanship fuelled by competitive quotes from sastra. It's difficult to feel at ease in such a competitive environment.
Oddly enough the lion's share of devotees here in Murwillumbah are simple hearted, straightforward, devotees, keen to tolerate and cooperate and work things out among us but the few disturbing elements within the community create such a disruption for everybody else that anxiety, suspicion and mistrust are holding everyone back enough of the time, as to represent a serious threat to social stability, invoking less than optimal behavior from the best fraction of our community.
I have no wish to sound offensive, so please forgive any attempt by my words to incite the contrary view within your mind, but, I begin to wonder if it's possible to engage in friendships within the confines of the prison house of Durga Devi. Perhaps our minds are too distorted by the filth of the selfish desires we attempt to discard.
It is with some trepidation that I voice my opinion here, due to breaking trust with the "positive attitude" that is demanded of me for I know that I am bound to offend those who wish to be offended, whilst others perhaps those abovementioned offended souls, within the imaginarium of immunity that is their sanctimonious shadehouse, resplendant with obesiances and pleasantries, all the while seeking their own selfish ends, engage in a rampage of negativity, taking advantage of almost any situation to further their own goals under the guise of serving Srila Gurudeva. Almost everything one says and does will be used against you by those looking for leverage.
Unable to be as pure as my Srila Gurudeva(s), I can merely sit back and watch my brothers and sisters destroy themselves. The west, it seems, is far too infected with impersonal materialism wherein devotees utilise previous service as an indication of their own purity, thus lording it over others. "Don't you know who I am?" as Srila Gour Govinda Swami so often described for us.
Taming the Beast
If your political opponent were a scorpion or an enormous spider, surely you'd offer him more respect than you're currently offering. Srila Gurudeva has accepted him as his beloved disciple, surely that counts for plenty of understanding, affection and respect. But, of course, we also keep our distance from danger.
Nevertheless, I have some relationships which are truly beautiful, but as always, the disease of materialism entwines its grimy fingers even there, coldhearted and demanding as often as nourishing and supportive, it seems all too impossible for a useless, half hearted, indulgent being such as myself, to enliven others with the vision of pure love that Srila Gour Govinda Swami and Srila Narayana Maharaja personally embodied in their each and every deed.
Seedlings Need Nourishment and Shelter from the Heat of the Sun
The seedling of love that grows within my feeble heart, seeks rich organic nourishment, but all too often recieves only artificial, chemical, toxic, commercial fertiliser, and dirty water from a rapidly decimated well, is all the irrigation that is available. Well-wishing so often assumes the role of mere lip service. And when the same people always seem to be the ones embroiled, one begins to wonder who are the actual culprits. What amazes me is these people, due to their belligerent ignorance, think that they are doing the right thing, in much the same way as the Tweed Shire Council think that they are doing what's good for the people of the Tweed by making rules that create difficulties that bar us from freely operating a Hare Krishna temple. If only they could understand. It's their very opposition to others that makes it obvious to others exactly where they are coming from. We can tolerate such people but surely we can't permit despots to control Krishna's resources to their own "advantage."
It's clear that even the worst of devotees has ample good qualities, to the extent that we can overlook their faults, or at least find ways of working around them, even if not WITH them, instead of demonising them. We must, I emphasise, must, see the good qualities in each other, even if we cannot avoid their glaring faults. We must encourage them to grow, not oppose them.
Critter-cism
If I find that almost all of the time I am not inclined to speak critically, but then with certain people, I find that I do become inclined to speak critically (especially if I also hear criticism from said people) then I honestly have to consider where my loyalties lie. Better to have no friends here in the material world and still be good friends with my two beautiful Gurudevas than to go against the mood of my Gurudevas and have so called friends here in the material world who accept me because I am willing to submit to their line of thought, to fit within their social and philosophical parameters, but who encourage neither myself nor others to be themselves, who do not wish to tolerate and cooperate, merely to have others tolerate them and cooperate with them; to follow them. I wonder what to do in such a situation. Gurudeva wants us to tolerate and cooperate, but shouln't I avoid becoming a political pawn?
A somewhat difficult decision ensues as I have no wish to offend anyone, especially those persons who have, on occasion, been kind to me, and who surely will take offense should I voice any doubts regarding the degree of their integrity.
Nevertheless, I know where my loyalties lie. Let us hope that sanity and a higher level of consciousness pervades the community very soon and makes such worries a thing of the past. I know that Sripad Tirtha Maharaja is an highly elevated soul and despite the fact that we are HIS servants and not vice versa, I can only hope that, due to the presence in Murwillumbah of His Holiness, our level of consciousness gets a good shot in the arm and we can once again think and function like Vaisnavas/Vaisnavis.
Shelter from the Storm
The Holy Name is our dearest friend. Better to drink deeply of the nectar of the japa mala than to foolishly attempt to bring sanity into the madhouse? Perhaps a retirement to one's own space, a kind of singular cloister, where peace knows few interruptions, may be in order. But what of those who struggle in darkness? Is it even possible for a fallen soul like me to be of value to those souls?
I can only try my best to encourage those whose hearts are filled with joy whilst drinking the nectar of Sri Krishna Sankirtana, bhajaneers and kirtaneers, attracted by the beauty of the Holy Names, drowning in the loving pastimes of the spiritual world, rejecting the stark harshness of the cold snows of impersonalism and aggression.
But what of those who are thinking that they are serving spiritually yet all the while acting anathemically to the spiritual paradigm? If they are convinced that they already know what is true, who can help them?
Honestly folks, the difference between Sri Bhubaneswar and Sri Murwillumbah and I use the term Sri purposely since Srila Gurudeva and other amazing devotees stayed here and turned Murwillumbah into a tirtha (best NOT to move to some other locality despite what some people profess) BUT, I digress. The difference between Murwillumbah and Bhubaneswar is one of polar magnitude.
Srila Gurudeva has assembled us as a yatra. If we simply tolerate and cooperate like Gurudeva always requested then surely our communal spiritual growth will be quick and prolific.
I pray that soon I may leave this world and be united with my true friends, as we skip, hand in hand, towards the sacred groves on the bank of the Yamuna, drowning each other with playful splashing and laughter, eyes flashing with delight at the sight of our beloved conspirators in loving pastimes giving happily of their own immeasurable love, bonding heart to heart with ties that can never be slackened let alone broken. A world wherein offence has long ago atrophied into non-existence.
My brothers and sisters, please try to love each other. Even angry words, if uttered in the mood of a true well-wisher are supported by Bhakti-Devi, but better if harmonious dealings are created, for they make our efforts more efficient in achieving the goal of our many, many lives. All knowledge, all endeavours, all status, all of your hopes and dreams are nothing but mist in the wind if not enacted in the mood of the kind hearted, true well wisher. That, my friends, is the wishing well of devotional life.
Servant to ALL the devotees
tarunkrsnadas
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